


Decision of a lifetime, maybe?

by Cellis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: A moment in a lifetime, Friendship/Love, Indecision, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, One decision could affect all, Overthinking, Steve Rogers Feels, Uncertainty, anxious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-06-29 15:37:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19833241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cellis/pseuds/Cellis
Summary: Today was the day he was going to be braver than he had ever been before in his life.Everything that he knew and had become accustomed to would change as once the decision was made there was no going back to what came before.





	Decision of a lifetime, maybe?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShallowGenePool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShallowGenePool/gifts).



> This is a light snapshot with no plot just overthinking! Happy birthday Darren.

Decision of a lifetime, maybe?

The sun rose in the East this morning just like every other morning and it would no doubt set in the West as always. But today was not like every other day that had come before, not like any other day in his life thus far.

Today was the day he was going to be braver than he had ever been before in his life, at least from a personal point of view. While he risked life and limb for friends, loved ones and country in the past without even the slightest hesitation, this was different. There was no order to obey, no mission to be completed, no uniform to wear; nothing but himself. This decision was being made for himself.

Everything that he knew and had become accustomed to would change as once the decision was made there was no going back to what came before.

A small bead of sweat trickled down over the furrows of concentration on his forehead. As he reached up to wipe it away before it could make its way into his eyes he realised that stray strands of hair were stuck to his forehead. That was okay even expected after spending time in the gym or sparring but not here alone in his air conditioned bedroom. There was no reason to sweat except for anxiety and worry.

Catching a glimpse of himself in the wardrobe mirror he knew there was no option but have a cool shower. He had to look cool, calm and all together otherwise he’s lost before he ever had a hope of success. Whatever hope there was he needed to be in control, sure of what he was doing, certain in his decision.

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? Was he sure of what he was doing? Was he certain in his decision? Was all this going to be one stupid mistake, one from which he may never be able to recover? Would he regret his decision as soon as he made it? What if it doesn’t go the way he hopes? Does he even know what way he hopes it will go?

At times like this he wishes he had more experience, knew what he really wanted…… had even the first clue about what he was doing! This was completely new, a brand new experience for him or it could be! Never having been quite in this position before was challenging. 

He knew others had more experience, hell that wasn’t hard. If he asked for advice it would be freely given. And that gave rise to another problem; what would such advice sound like and could it be trusted? 

Tony was the one with the most experience or Thor but in different settings.

Both men would be happy to impart their wisdom as they saw it, divulge the depths of their experience but was their experience even relevant? Could their possibly vast experience count for anything really when you think about it?

Surely each person’s experience, no matter the circumstances, is unique to themselves. No two individuals are the same. Echoes of “There are no men like me!” sound in his head.

No two people experience any given situation in the same way. This is partly why eyewitness accounts never completely agree. They may corroborate each other but they differ in the specifics. Personal perceptions, previous experiences, expectations, life experience, even individual outlook on life all colour how each person perceives a situation. 

No, seeking advice from Tony or Thor who differed from him in so many ways was not going to be of benefit!

Wondering for a few minutes if perhaps getting a female opinion from Natasha might help resulted in the same conclusion being reached. No matter what way he looked at it, there was no one who he could turn to who could give an unbiased, totally independent or untarnished view. Not even Sam and he was a trained Counsellor!

Too much thinking! Too much analysing! He held his head in his hands as he tried to clear his thoughts. Taking a few deep breaths he tried to steady himself.

This requires a leap of faith, trusting instinct and that gut feeling. The voice inside his head said “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. It wouldn’t be the first time he had just trusted his gut and acted without knowing what all the consequences could be or even caring about them. In the end everything had worked out!

Maybe there were a few things he’d change if he could go back and do it all over again; make a subtle change here or there; do something differently or not at all as the case may be.

Thinking about that; if he had a way to time travel to the past would he do so and to when? What in the past would he really change given the opportunity now? After all every action has an equal and opposite reaction! Isn’t that what the scientist said?

To change one thing would set off a spiral of other changes which could, and more than like would, change the then future his now past. Sure some pain could be prevented but who’s to know if that pain was actually the lesser of all pain he could possibly suffer? Perhaps the road taken was actually the best option available at that given point in time.

Without noticing he’d just spent the past half an hour thinking about what might have been. It makes no difference to now. Now is all he has. He can’t go back and change the past. The past was lost and gone; no more could be done about it and it had for better or worse made him into the man he is today. 

Fates had aligned and conspired to have him right here, right now and no amount of wishful thinking or contemplating alternate realities and possibilities is going to change that. 

Rising from the seat at his desk he ran his fingers through his hair once again. On the way to the bathroom he stripped off the shirt, jeans and boxers he was wearing and threw them into the wash hamper. 

Decision made to trust his instincts and pray for the best he stepped under the shower. Water running cool, it moved like silk over his skin. With each droplet of water that ran down the plughole he sent another anxiety, fear or worry. Normally his showers take no more than five minutes; in, wash, rinse and out; efficient and job done.

Today, for this shower, he’s going to allow the water to work its magic, relax and enjoy the soft caress of the water as it moved over his body.

Fifteen minutes later he stood in front of the sink and shaved for the second time that day. He wanted everything to be just right. Looking in the mirror he applied a little of the product Natasha had recommended to his hair. He played with the styling, all the while knowing that his hair would do its own thing anyway.

Now happy with his appearance he walked to his closet and took out a pair of dark dress pants and a burgundy coloured button down shirt. Once dressed he grabbed his phone, wallet, keys and leather jacket before heading off on what could be an important mission or one of the greatest crash and burns ever witnessed. 

Entering the small seating area he was relieved to see who was looking for was alone reading. Pausing to take a deep breath he steadied himself, squared his shoulders and walked in confident strides forward holding his head high.

It only took a few steps to reach his destination. “Hi!”

The eyes that looked in his direction were bright and intelligent with a hint of anticipation and gave him what he hoped was an admiring once over.

Before losing his nerve he gave a small smile. “Captain, Steven, if your invitation is still open, I would very much like to join you for something to eat, just the two of us”.

Steve smiled as he stood and put down the newspaper he had been reading. There was no turning back now! 

Stepping forward to close the distance between them Steve places a hand on the slightly taller man’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I was afraid you were going to say no but I’m ready whenever you are!”


End file.
